


An Ingenious Business Plan

by WitchWithWifi



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Basically Shitty helps out girl scouts and becomes an accidental den mother, Girl Scouts, I don't know when the hell I'll update but we'll see, Multi, Teamwork makes the dream work, WIP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9203645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchWithWifi/pseuds/WitchWithWifi
Summary: Shitty Knight (and the rest of SMH) end up becoming leaders of the local Girl Scout troop





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! My first OMGCP fic? What? I was really inspired by this post (http://itty-bittle-bakes.tumblr.com/post/155325307136/bittybaking-caitlin-farmer-cardamoms-girl) about Shitty becoming an accidental den mother/troop leader of their local Girl Scout troop and wrote this to celebrate 200 followers on my sideblog! Enjoy this WIP!

It’s not often that Shitty is glad to be wearing a shirt. Or pants, for that matter. Or clothes in general. He likes the feeling of being unrestricted by society’s insistence that he cover most of his body for no reason, all day long.

This is not one of those times.

He swung open the door after the third set of rapid, insistent knocks, ready to chew out the fucking lax bros if they were pulling another one of their stupid “ding-dong-ditch” games on Frat Row. What he did not expect to find was three little girls in Girl Scout uniforms, sashes displayed proudly across their chests, toting clipboards almost as big as their own torsos with them. As far as he could tell, there was no adult accompanying them at all.

He was torn between saying: “First things first, I’ll give you my entire tuition to get me some Samoas”, or, “Your organization is so amazing and superior to Boy Scouts, I hope you lil’ dudes know that. Like, pro-LGBT, and supporting young girls, it’s great!”, or even, “I want to buy your cookies, but I don’t want Bitty to think I don’t appreciate his baked goods, I’m sorry”, and finally, “Jesus, what are you doing on a street thats entirely frathouses filled with gross jocks and stoners, that is both a spectacular business plan and a deep-set flaw in whoever is supposed to be watching over and protecting you kids. Where’s your scout leader? I have some firm words for them.”

Eventually he just asked, “What?”

The girl in the middle, who looked a lot like those drawings of Hermione he’d seen lately, all dark skin and curly hair, almost defiantly held her clipboard out to him and asked in a voice far too businesslike for a ten year old, “Would you like to buy some cookies?”

Despite the fact that he most definitely wanted to put in an order for about 500 boxes, he was still searching for any sign of some adult accompanying the trio. Certainly, no parent in their right mind would send three little girls to sell cookies to a bunch of frat guys all by themselves. “Where’s your.. uh… leader?” He peered down the street for some sign of a parent, or even a mini-van. No such luck.

The girl with the clipboard scoffed. Actually scoffed. “Dana’s mom dropped us off four blocks away and drove off to get a manicure. Three hours ago. We’ve been selling cookies ever since.” She looked at her clipboard before turning it around to face him again. “We’ve sold a lot of cookies.”

Shitty raised his eyebrows as he took the clipboard, impressed. “Nine hundred boxes? In just three hours?”

One of the girls behind the apparent leader of the squad piped up. She had flaming red hair that would make even Dex jealous, with the freckles to match. “Half of it was from this street,” She explained, pointing down to the four houses that preceded the Haus on Frat Row.

“Ingenious.” Shitty murmured. “Alright, you’ve got my money. On one condition.”

“What?” All three asked simultaneously, their tones wary.

“You call an adult to go along with you. It’s not safe to walk around town all by yourselves” Seriously, he was gonna have to find this Dana’s mother and have a stern talking-to about leaving kids alone in the middle of Samwell. Even if they were Girl Scouts, and proudly sporting Karate badges.

The last girl, a tiny little thing with jet black hair in a pixie cut, who hadn’t yet contributed finally walked up to stand next to the one he’d decided to think of as Hermione. “Why do you think Dana’s mom dropped us off in the first place? All of our parents are busy or working.” She shrugged, like this wasn’t a big deal. “Besides, we’re almost done. We’re just going to do the rest of these houses and then go wait for Dana’s mom.”

The idea of these three kids just walking down Frat Row by themselves made Shitty genuinely nervous. What if some drunk guys harassed them (fucking lax bros, most likely)? What if they got kidnapped? What if they accidentally walked in on a drug deal? None of these situations were exactly ideal. He made a split second decision. “Hold on,” He told the girls, and stuck his head back in the house. “Zimms!” He hollered at the top of his lungs, knowing full well Jack could hear him. “We’re going on an adventure!”

—

In total, the girls sold about 2,000 boxes to the rest of the frats, with the help of Jack and Shitty (Who was still figuring out what they should call him). Afterward, Shitty had walked them back to the spot where the mom had dropped them off originally, and waited for her with the girls. Amy, the one who’d first spoken to him, didn’t look too surprised when the sun started to set, and Dana’s mom still hadn’t arrived. “She probably forgot about us. She had to pick up Dana’s group too.”

Shitty frowned. “Seriously? That’s it. I’m walking you guys back to your meeting spot. Where are your parent supposed to pick you up?”

They all answered at the same time. “Samwell Middle School.”

Shitty sighed in relief, glad they hadn’t said Town Hall, or some place out on the edge of town, miles away from the university. “That’s not too far a walk. Why don’t one of you call your parents and tell them you’re coming while we start heading over?” He handed his phone to Amy, who immediately started dialing.

Chloe, the girl with the pixie cut, hesitated. “What if Dana’s mom _does_ come for us?”

Shitty looked down the road. It seemed completely devoid of any life, human or car, save for the four of them. “If Dana’s mom hasn’t come by now, she doesn’t deserve to be a troop leader. Let’s go, before it gets too dark out.” He reached out to help Aggie, the redhead, up and they all started started walking towards the school. Amy kept chatting with her mom, telling them how the nice hockey players had helped them sell cookies, and how one of them was walking them back to school.

“Hey,” Amy tugged on his sleeve, phone still pressed to her ear. “What’s your name?”

Shitty blinked in surprise. “I haven’t told you guys my name?”

All three shook their heads.

“Oh, wow, sorry you guys.” He said, stalling, trying to think. They couldn’t call him Shitty, that would just be weird. “I’m number forty-two on the hockey team, so you can call me that. Or…” He paused, remembering what Mrs. Bittle had called him before they came to a happy medium with Mr. Crappy. “I guess Mr. Knight works too.”

Amy nodded approvingly, and then said into the phone, “His name is Mr. Knight. He’s number forty-two on the hockey team.”

Half an hour later, they were only a quarter mile away when Chloe started to lag behind, her feet dragging as they kept walking. Shitty slowed down, leaning down to look at her. “Hey, what’s the matter, scout?”

She sniffled, and he quickly realized she was barely holding it together. “I’m tired, and I’m hungry, and I miss my mom.” She whimpered, and Shitty once again felt overcome by anger at this mystery mom who had left these three completely on their own. Without thinking, he wrapped her in a quick, tight hug.

“We’re almost there, Chloe.” He paused. “How about I give you a piggyback? That way you don’t have to keep walking.”

Chloe looked at him like she didn’t totally believe him. “You mean it?”

He grinned encouragingly at her. “Totally. It’ll be good for my hockey muscles.” Not a lie- he’d missed a team workout at the gym for this.

“Okay.” She agreed quietly, and he leaned down for her to jump on, hefting up her knees once she’d wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“Is everyone else hanging in there?” He checked with Amy and Aggie, who both nodded, though they also looked pretty tired. He should have brought Jack along. The bro could probably carry all three girls and not break a sweat. “We’re almost there, I promise. Your parents are going to be so proud of you lil' dudettes for all the hard work you did today. You were real troopers.”

Sure enough, as soon as they made it to Samwell Middle School, the girls were enveloped in hugs from their parents, who were clearly relieved they hadn’t been kidnapped by this mysterious Mr. Knight. He handed Chloe off to her mother, extending a hand for her to shake, introducing himself to the parents.

“So, Mr. Knight,” Amy’s mother started, looking at him skeptically. “Amy tells me you helped them sell cookies today. And you’ve walked them here.”

Shitty nodded. “Yes, ma’am, I did. Apparently, a girl named Dana has a mother who dropped them off on Dowe Street at one, but she wasn’t walking with them while they were selling cookies. I hope I’m not being intrusive by accompanying them.”

Amy’s mother exchanged glances with the other parents. “You’re most certainly not. I think we’ll be having a word with Susan in the next few days. Did she really leave you three on your own?” She asked the girls, shock coloring her tone. They all nodded.

“We were okay.” Aggie piped up, holding up her clipboard. “Mr. Knight helped us sell 2,000 boxes.”

“I’m sure yo- 2,000?” Aggie’s father looked at Shitty with something bordering awe.

Shitty shrugged. “College students and girl scout cookies. Its a brilliant business plan.”

“Huh.” Aggie’s father huffed thoughtfully. “Who’d’ve thunk.” He reached for Aggie’s hand and started walking her toward the car. She turned and waved at Shitty. “Thanks, Mr. Knight!”

He waved back, smiling. “Bye, Aggie! Don’t forget to do that math you were telling me about!” The other parents laughed as Aggie made a groaning noise.

“You know,” Amy’s mother started, looking at Shitty curiously, “If you ever wanted to help chaperone their cookie sale trips, I’m sure your help would be much appreciated.”

Shitty raised his eyebrows, surprised. “I don’t know…” He thought about how many hours he’d have to set aside. He was already drowning in work for his WGSS 435 class, not to mention hockey practice, and their games. Then, he caught the pleading look on Chloe’s face, and saw Amy smiling up at him hopefully. “Oh, why not.” He found himself saying. “I bet I could get the whole team in on it.”

—

“Hey, Bits?” Shitty stuck his head in the kitchen after Amy’s mother had kindly dropped him off at the house, thankfully not asking him why he lived in what was a glorified, giant shack. “How many recipes do you have for Girl Scout cookies? Also, how the fuck do I become a troop leader?”


End file.
